Dichotomous Departing

In, Dichotomous Departing, I attempt to illustrate the effects of my cross cultural adoption from Korea to the United States in the early ’80’s. On one side is a landscape of stylized flowers, that are a nod to Korean inlay, and butterflies, a common symbol for transformation, endurance and resurrection.

For an infant adoptee, often times their adoption experience is scary, confusing, and full of grief and separation. This dramatically contrasts with their adopted parents, who are full of joy and love. This tension is overwhelming for any child and results in trauma. Often times, trauma in an infant is expressed as being placid and peaceful, attributes often referred to as “the perfect baby”. The butterfly scene serves as both an illustration of my early masking of my internal experience and a hope of feeling peaceful and coherent and whole.

The other side of, Dichotomous Departing, tells a very different story. This story is comprised of several parts that feel loud and confusing and uncomfortable. The loudest character is an infant who has just been born and is crying out to make that first connection with their mother. Lurking in the background are some sterile scissors to physically cut this child away. We then see a spider web with a black widow anticipating its next capture. A cowgirl is shown front and center. She has a vapid expression as she struggles to handle a rope that is formed to lasso the screaming infant. She represents the inadequacy resulting from an ill-informed choice to adopt a child, take them out of their country and raise them without acknowledging the long-lasting injury that would result. Behind her is an abandoned nest. Following that, we see a badly patched-up Korean vase set in an unfriendly western landscape. Lastly. a scorpion about to strike.

This piece is a depiction of the dichotomy of many adoptees’ experience. For myself, it has largely been an internal warring dilemma between feeling a confusing loyalty to my adopted mother, and an intense grief and longing for what I lost so many years ago.